Boxers or Briefs?
by BreetanyaViolet
Summary: Hermione, Ginny, and Lavender are on a Gameshow called 'Boxers or Briefs?' They get to guess on the underwear of the men connected to Harry Potter, with the exception of a few guest appearences... BUT WE DON'T ASK if they are right WE SEE. Deadline 9/1/02
1. Default Chapter

Boxer's or Briefs?  
By Breetanya  
  
AN: Hello! I wrote this right, and I mean RIGHT after a writer's block. Meaning basically I was using my jackhammer to chip through the evil cement writer's block when a sliver of an idea came to me when I read 'black silk boxers' in a summary that I read.  
I kind of scared my friend by in the middle of a completely logical sentence by suddenly writing 'BOXERS OR BRIEFS!' and just hit enter and stayed silent for five minutes as I began to write this story…  
I don't own Harry Potter… *sighs* although if I did I'd still write this!  
I'm going to put this at PG-13 for the few characters who decide not to where any underwear… Otherwise its completely innocent. Besides me trying to get the couples I like together…  
Oh yes, there are guest appearances by Zenya, a friend of mine that I'm writing a fic with, (you won't see it yet… we're not planning on posting it until we figure something out), BadBoyLover, another friend of mine, and Virtie, yes another friend of mine. They all have accounts here so why don't you go and read their stories? (And my other ones too ^_^)  
ON WITH THE STORY!  
  
"Hello! And Welcome to Boxers or Briefs! Today we are playing with the Harry Potter cast!" I said to the audience. "Today we have Hermione, Ginny, and Lavender guessing which Hogwarts men where boxers or briefs! Or wear NOTHING AT ALL!!!"  
  
The audience cheers as they see Hermione, Ginny and Lavender sitting at what looked like the Jeopardy stands. Hermione blushed greatly, as well as Ginny, but Lavender just looked at the situation serenely.  
  
"Well, lets have our contestants tell a little something about themselves. Lets start with Hermione. Hermione?" I asked.  
  
"Well, my name is Hermione Granger, and I'm going into my fifth year at Hogwarts and am at the top of my class. My two best friends are Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley," Hermione stated.  
  
"How did you come to be on the show today?" I asked.  
  
Hermione looked puzzled. "I'm not quite sure… someone snuck up behind me… and stunned me… when I woke up here I was…" Hermione said.  
  
"Um er… Ginny," I said quickly. "Tell us a little about yourself."  
  
"My name is Ginny Weasley, and I'm going into my forth year at Hogwarts. I'm a pretty good student. My brother is Ronald Weasley," Ginny said.  
  
"How did you come on the show today?" I asked.  
  
"I was with Hermione… when the same thing happened to me…"  
  
I quickly went to Lavender, "LAVENDER! Tell us about yourself!"  
  
"My name is Lavender Brown, and I'm going into my fifth year at Hogwarts. My favorite subject is Divination and my best friend is Parvati Patil," Lavender said.  
  
"How did YOU come on the show?" you would have thought I would have learned my lesson by now…  
  
"I heard that we got to see guys in their underwear!" Lavender explained and everyone looked at her.  
  
"WELL… anyway… I'm going to explain the rules now…" I said slightly shocked at her answer. "We will bring out someone who attends or works at Hogwarts, or has been in some type of contact with Harry Potter. Whether it has been to kill, befriend, worship, or despise him. Who ever clicks on their buzzer first gets to answer, if they answer incorrectly the points will be deducted instead of added and we move on to the next victim, er… man. They will all be wearing Muggle clothing. You must also state the color of the said underwear, or the pattern as the case may be. Don't worry, debts do not have to be paid, and if you win with a debt we'll just give you 100 Galleons instead. Does everyone understand?"  
  
The three girls nodded. "That's good! Now lets start off with the obvious choice Harry Potter," I said looking at a stage that held Harry who was looking confused. "Ladies, Boxers or Briefs?"  
  
There was three almost simultaneous buzzing but it was Hermione's buzzer who went off first. "Go ahead Hermione," I said.  
  
"He wears dark green boxers," Hermione stated firmly.  
  
"Lets see if you are right," I said mischievously. "ACCIO HARRY POTTER'S PANTS!" The pants ripped off his bottom half and left him red in the face wearing only his dark green boxers and his shirt, which of course was not long enough to cover his boxers.  
  
"Well, you were right Hermione! You get 100 Galleons!" I said.  
  
Harry was there looking stunned. "Can I have my pants back?" he asked first.  
  
"Nope, they are going to be auctioned off to charity," I replied.  
  
"Um, where am I supposed to go without my pants?" he asked.  
  
"On that bench over there," I replied pointing to the bench underneath the large sign 'Boxers' next to it was a bench underneath a sign that said briefs. And there was a door that said 'Neither' for our less than TV friendly men.  
  
"Hermione? How did you KNOW that?" he asked his friend.  
  
"Well erm… uh…" Hermione stuttered.  
  
"Harry, go to the bench," I said. "Otherwise I'll get the guard to bring you over…"  
  
There at the Boxers' Bench stood Zenya, a good friend of mine, with handcuffs and her wand out looking as if she wanted to drag Harry over. He saw that and went quietly to the bench and sat down.  
  
"As you can see," I said. "We have guards at each of our stations. Zenya is at the Boxers' bench, Virtie is at the Briefs' bench, and BadBoyLover is guarding the Neither Room. Say hi people!"  
  
They all said hi while Zenya was keeping a close watch on Harry. He started to fidget uncomfortably.  
  
"Okay!" I said. "Our next, er, oh heck. Everyone knows they are victims! Anyway our next victim is Ronald Weasley. Boxers or Briefs?"  
  
Again it was a close call but Lavender beat both Hermione and Ginny. "White Boxers with vertical maroon stripes," she said.  
  
"WAIT!" Ron cried holding tightly onto his pants. "Can't I just tell you what I wear?" he begged.  
  
"Well… Guards?" I asked with an evil grin on my face.  
  
"NOPE!" agreed Zenya, Virtue, and most definitely BBL.  
  
"Its more fun this way," I said grinning. "ACCIO RONALD WEASLEY'S PANTS!"  
  
Although Ron tried desperately to hold onto his pants he, of course, failed. I ended up holding his pants and he ended up trying to cover up his white boxers with vertical maroon stripes, with his t-shirt.  
  
"Lavender… How'd you know what underwear my brother wears?" Ginny asked slyly.  
  
Lavender blushed deeply. "I broke into the boys dormitory once… and well it wasn't empty… Ron was changing."  
  
Ron was starting to blush furiously. "Okie… Ron, go over to the Boxer's Bench," I said after blinking rapidly.  
  
He went over to Harry and it looked like they were starting to plot so Zenya broke them up.  
  
  
  
  
Okie People… YOU get to decide who goes up next!  
I have a couple of people in mind…. But I want to hear from you!  
Now remember Young Grasshoppers…  
  
For want of reviews  
The motivation was lost.  
For want of motivation,  
The inspiration was lost.  
For want of inspiration,  
The plot was lost.  
For want of a plot,  
The writer was lost.  
For want of a writer,  
The story was lost.  
And all for the want of reviews.  
  
So just push that little ole button!  
And updates may take a while… I'm putting most of my concentration on 'The End of Those Days' and school is starting up next week… *starts to gag* And I'll be lucky to be able to write, let alone update on the weekends… Sorry folks… School most definitely puts a damper on writing…  
*looks at what she just wrote* okay… That makes some sense but shouldn't be true… although it is… eh… I'll shut up now so you can review :} 


	2. Two More are Up

Boxers or Briefs?  
By Breetanya  
  
Chapter 2.  
Two more are up!  
  
  
AN: ACK! Thank you for reviewing!  
I wasn't expecting so many people to review so fast!  
So I just HAD to write more so I could update!  
I love you ALL!  
I truly do!  
Of course I don't own Harry Potter.  
I SINCERELY wished I did… cause then I wouldn't have to bother with school!  
Well you don't want to listen to me talk!  
You want to read what I wrote!  
So go ahead! And if you want… cover your eyes… *starts whistling innocently*  
  
  
  
"We have made a Deal with Fudge," I cough trying to hide a laugh, and Zenya does the same thing. "So that while on this show… no one can be arrested. We tried to make is so that only one person, the next one, would not be arrested but it had to be all or none. Anyway… the next victim is Sirius Black!"  
  
The audience gasped, Harry, Hermione, and Ron looked up looking surprised, and Sirius was on stage looking confused. Once he realized that he was on a stage with people looking at him he tried to run and hide but was stopped by Virtie and BadBoyLover who held him a LITTLE too close.  
  
"Hello Mr. Black," I said cheerfully to him. "You are on a Game show called 'Boxers or Briefs?' Don't worry; no one will be arrested on this show. So if you would please stop struggling my guards would be able to let you go… Although I doubt they'd want to…"  
  
Sirius was calculating, anyone could clearly see it in his eyes. "If you don't believe us look at this," I said turning on a TV screen. On the screen was Fudge in a wire cage with people paying to throw tomatoes at him. "He doesn't get out of that cage if any ministry workers, erm… besides a select few, are with in 10 kilometers of this place… and believe me… we're making a killing off of him!"  
  
The Weasley twins had just stepped into the range of the screen and forked over 5 galleons each, which was worth about 200 tomatoes and handed them to other members of the Weasley clan while Percy was hovering around them yelling about disrespecting high ministry officials.  
  
"HEY! Why didn't you let us have a go at him before you dragged us onto this show?" Ron demanded while Virtie, BBL, Zenya, and I were laughing out heads off.  
  
"We'll keep him in there an hour after the show ends," I gasped. "It will give Sirius a good get away time. You can throw tomatoes at him then."  
  
This seemed to satisfy him as he calmed back down. "So Mr. Black, will you relax while you are on this show? You are perfectly safe," I said.  
  
Sirius finally stopped struggling and Virtie and BBL reluctantly let go of him and went back to their respective stations.  
  
"Okay Ladies," I said looking at the three girls, two of whom were calm at the sight of Sirius, (Mrs. Weasley told her brood about Sirius being innocent, except for Percy… for obvious reasons…) while the third was just about to faint. "Boxers or Briefs?"  
  
It took about a minute before a buzzer went off, it was Lavender, who seemed to come to her senses. "Silver silk boxers," she said.  
  
"SIRIUS! HOLD ON TO YOUR PANTS!" Harry and Ron advised before Zenya waved gags around warning them.  
  
"What?" he asked confused.  
  
I grinned evilly as BBL, Virite, and Zenya were all praying that Sirius would be wearing what they had to guard. I got his pants no matter what he wore under them… "ACCIO SIRIUS BLACK'S PANTS!"  
  
"WHAT?" he yelled as he tried to catch his pants that were flying toward me.  
  
I grabbed Sirius's pants and Zenya let out a whoop. "YES! I GET SIRIUS!" she pounced on him dragging him over to her bench, while BBL and Virtie pouted.  
  
"Lavender?" Hermione asked. "How did you know what underwear he wore?"  
  
"Well… BadBoyLover didn't leave go right away so his pants came down a bit to reveal his boxers," Lavender explained.  
  
"Then why didn't you buzz in before?" Ginny asked.  
  
"I was afraid he was going to start cursing people," she explained.  
  
"No… you'd better be afraid of the next victim to start cursing people," I said giggling. "Which is your very own, (thank god I go to an American school of Witchcraft,) Potions Master, Mr. Severus Snape!"  
  
The three girls playing the game, the three boys all ready depants, and the audience looked at Snape wondering how the heck we got him to come on this show. "What the bloody hell! This isn't the apothecary!"  
  
"Aren't Portkeys great?" I asked grinning evilly.  
  
"YOU DID THIS?" Snape yelled. "WHY am I in Muggle CLOTHING? 200 points off of your house!"  
  
I grinned like the Chester Cat. "I don't go to Hogwarts, and you are on a game show called 'Boxers or Briefs?' NOW BBL! DON'T YOU DARE…" I started as I saw BBL raise her wand.  
  
It was too late though, "ACCIO SEVERUS SNAPE'S PANTS!" she yelled grabbing the pants as they zoomed toward her.  
  
There was a collective gasp from the audience, BBL let out a shriek of joy, and there was a pop and suddenly a woman in black robes appeared. She pointed her wand at Snape and said, "Cenorous!" and suddenly there was a floating black bar covering up the source of all the commotion.  
  
I looked at the woman and asked, "Who are you?"  
  
"My name is Cindy Citrus and I am the censor for this station," she said glaring at me. "This show is highly unethical!" she continued but I zoned her out.  
  
I called over Virtie, and Zenya to the podium; the three victims were still trying to figure out how we got Snape on the show, and BBL was dragging Snape to the Neither room.  
  
"I heard that Censors were witches but I never knew it was in the literal sense!" I said to them. "Any suggestions on how to get her out of here?"  
  
"There's all ways the cabinet," Zenya offered.  
  
"Nah…" I said. "Its getting kind of full, and they'd probably try to eat her…"  
  
"Your sister," Virtie said. "She attacks us when we go to you house… Just tell her Censor Cindy is your new best friend."  
  
"Do you really want Trista to be on the stage trying to kill you while you are guarding grouchy men without pants?" I asked.  
  
"Good point."  
  
"STUNNING SPELL!" came the voice out of nowhere.  
  
"What the heck?" we asked each other. Then it hit us. It was BBL yelling at us from in the Neither room.  
  
"Why not… on the count of three," I said getting my wand out.   
Virtie, Zenya and I all aimed our wands at the still ranting Censor and yelled, "STUPIFY!" knocking her out cold.  
  
"Well…" I said as Zenya and Virtie went back to their posts. "Now we can move on to our next victim…"  
  
  
  
  
AN:  
*grins evilly*  
Okay, there were a couple of private jokes in there…  
And the score… I forgot to put that in!  
Ginny- 0  
Hermione- 100  
Lavender- 200  
And no one got Snape cause BBL was too impatient…   
So the next Victim is??  
I really shouldn't be writing this… I should be doing my homework…  
So I'll go do that…  
While you review! ^_^ 


	3. My Muse is Drunk

Chapter 3  
THE REAL chapter 3.  
  
AN: *ducks random flying fruit*  
Okay, okay… Sheesh… I know its been a while since I've updated this fic…  
But do you really have to throw rotten fruit?  
I've been super busy!  
And I STILL don't own Harry Potter…  
Anyway Congrads Jade Stellar  
YOU are the new guard to help out BBL!  
  
  
"We decided we needed another guard for the neither room due to the commotion Snape is giving," loud thumps were heard from in the Neither Room. "So the new guard is Jade Stellar!!! Good luck, remember, the most rowdy are going to be sent to you!" I said. "I've charmed the door so you and BBL have separate rooms and they all won't conspire against you."  
Jade Stellar let out a big whoop and raced to her new position outside of the Neither Room where odd crashing sounds were being heard. I blinked and shook my head regaining my senses. "The next victim is…" I said dramatically. Everyone hushed to hear my next words. "Percy Weasley." Percy Weasley suddenly popped out of nowhere onto the stage with red on his face, from a tomato. I guess the twins aim was a bit on…  
There were groans from sporadic places around the studio, although I distinctly heard the Censor sigh in her unconsciousness. Virtie hit her with another stunning spell whispering almost inaudibly, "He's mine." She glared out into the audience where a few girls were swooning over him, although, I haven't the faintest idea why. They backed off quietly.  
I shook my head slightly and looked back up at the girls playing the game. "Boxers or Briefs?" I asked.  
Only Ginny buzzed in. "He wears white briefs with a 'Prefect Percy' sign in pink flashing on them," she sighed covering her eyes.  
"WHAT? THEY DON'T SAY THAT!" Percy exclaimed.  
"Does anyone really want me to take his pants?" I asked despairingly looking around.  
Virtie, and a few girls from the audience glared at me evilly.  
"Okay… How many of you have wands at the moment?" I asked desperate.  
Virtie waved her wand, and her transformation wand, and some girls waved their wands.  
"Hey! You are all underage! You shouldn't be using your wands!" Percy said.  
"Shut up!" BBL, Zenya, and I yelled at him.  
"I have an idea…" I said after thinking for a bit. "Hey, Virtie! You wanna take his pants?"  
"SURE!" Virtie replied enthusiastically. "ACCIO PERCY WEASLEY'S PANTS!"  
Percy's pants flew off of him and into her hands. She hugged them tightly. She looked up to see that Ginny was right and then pounced on Percy dragging him back to her bench, while the entire studio laughed as his underwear flashed 'Prefect Percy.'  
I turned to a stagehand that was waving at me and looked at the teleprompter. It was flashing 'Commercial Break.' I looked out at the audience once it calmed down and said, "We'll be back right after this underwear commercial!"  
-Insert your favorite 'Joe Boxers' commercial here.  
  
  
  
  
AN:  
As you can see, I took out all of the nonsence that was previously there…  
That was mainly private jokes for my friends and me…  
Well review and tell me whom you want to have after the commercial.  
And I don't own Joe Boxers either… 


End file.
